City of Nightmares by Rebecca Schaeffer

At first it was giving me Metamorphosis Kafka vibes.
What happened:

But also. The concept that you'll change into your nightmares.....
I love vampire boy. I just do. I just.... Can I keep him.
384 Pages

Shadow Kiss by Richelle Mead

Hey look. The problem with the mind-sharing thing that I knew was gonna happen happened.\
Dimitri: 

We love Eddie. And Christian.
Cackles cause therapy is literally about how everything is connected even if you don't think it is.
....I'd appreciate it if we stop treating mental illness as like something that means a person is crazy....cause like....no....
464 Pages

Soul of Cinder by Bree Barton

I has a very bad feeling about my child.. I just wanna protect him.
okokokok 
Ok so I'm glad that my prediction for Quin was wrong. 
hey look at all these different methods of healing from trauma. lezgo.
496 Pages

A Heart So Fierce and Broken by Brigid Kemmerer

I vote we get rid of the mom and the sister. I will withhold all judgment until I find out about their pasts, but they just seem awful. 
 I'm like...trying to not be mad at Lia Mara. Trying really hard. But she's oversimplifying everything and like...I wanna strangle her.
We love Noah. Why? Because he smort.
I'm glad we're acknowledging that the person who is lashing out is scared and that they probably have PTSD from all of the trauma..
I don't understand how Lia Mara can be so smart and then so stupid three seconds later. Like...does she even think about the consequences of her actions...at all...
...they just wanted to be bros...

That epilogue:

480 Pages

The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk

Ok but the mention of how people who were able to go home after 9/11 and be comforted were able to recover. 
I'm just...going to be snapping...because like...yes it's saying stuff I know, but I listen to trauma podcasts. 
and like.. how trauma makes it difficult for a person to judge if a situation is dangerous or not because of the amygdala. 
"Emotions assign value to experiences, and thus are the foundation of reason" snaaaaaaaaaaaaaps.
Reads a book about trauma. *talks about depersonalization. *laughs uncomfortably
Go off about the DSM5. Go off. I'll drink my tea and love it. 
So I knew this book was going to attack me...but like...
Also I really appreciate that we talk about how trauma doesn't stop affecting the body and the mind when we're not thinking about trauma, and how often times victims of trauma know that their reaction is an over-reaction, but they can't stop it because the body has trained itself to keep itself safe. 
464 Pages

Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving by Pete Walker

Ok but like....am I seeing how far I've come in my healing...yes... Am I still working on stuff. Also yes. 
I really liked that he went through and showed the process of healing and the steps (in terms of things that need to be dealt with first in order to more fully deal with deeper issues), and gave examples of flashbacks.
I also really liked how he went into the four trauma responses (fight, flight, freeze, fawn) and detailed other ways that they present themselves even as subtypes.
376 Pages

The Silent Waters by Brittainy C. Cherry

The Silent Waters by Brittainy C. Cherry
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

I think this is my favorite of the series so far. It's the perfect combination of sweetness and turmoil.

Book 293 read in 2018

Pages: 316

"Salvation" by Sloane Kennedy

Book two in The Protectors Series features Seth Nichols, whose parents were murdered and he was tortured when he was 14.  Now 21, he's trying to run his father's shipping company and deal with his PTSD and self-doubt.  He once had an older brother, but he died while serving in the military.  Out of the blue, his brother's fiance, Ronan Grisham, appears and throws Seth's life into even more turmoil because he's had a crush on the man since he was a teen.  Now someone is after Seth, and Ronan will do everything he can to protect him even if it breaks both of their hearts.  Like the previous book in this series, there was a ton of angst, terrible traumas in both men's lives, guilt, and suspense.  I was annoyed at how often Seth and Ronan pushed each other away then changed their minds, but it was still an interesting story.  367 pages (Kindle edition.)

"Absolution" by Sloane Kennedy

This is book one in The Protectors Series and deals with three men who've all suffered some form of trauma.  Jonas was kicked out of his home at age 14 for being gay and spent several years as a teenage prostitute before having even more tragedy befall him.  Mace's son was kidnapped and murdered by a killer.  Cole faced the traumas of war before losing his sister, who was Jonah's best friend.  Now someone has hired Mace to kill Jonah for bogus reasons, and Cole gets involved.  This novel was full of angst and heavy and was not quite believable at times, but it was a compelling story.  356 pages (Kindle edition.)

"On Solid Ground" by Melissa Collins

A vet with PTSD and a tattoo artist with a drug addicted sister try to find love in California.

I really wanted to like this book.  It had many good reviews, but it just did not live up to my expectations for several reasons.  One of the main characters jumped to conclusions and became mad very easily; he acted quite immature and did not seem to have the capability for a healthy relationship.  The story was told in the present tense, which I always find a bit odd to read.  One character had been raped, but the story did not deal with any lingering effects of the trauma.  There were also a number of inconsistencies, so it could have used better editing.  However, there was a service dog, a cute kid, and an upbeat ending, so there were some positives.  328 pages (Kindle edition).

"Part & Parcel" by Abigail Roux

This latest installment in the "Cut & Run" universe finds Marine Force Recon team Sidewinder reunited again, this time on a quest left by their fallen comrade Elias Sanchez.  Nick O'Flaherty is recovering from injuries sustained in the book "Crash & Burn" with boyfriend Kelly Abbott trying his best to help.  With lots of down time, Nick decides to go through storage boxes and discovers letters from Sanchez addressed to the Sidewinder team, so he gets the guys together for a cross-country adventure that turns out to be more emotional than any of them had anticipated.

I was so glad to see Ty Grady and Zane Garrett again; they are the heart of the "Cut & Run" universe since the actual "C&R" series was about them.  This book focuses on Nick and Kelly's relationship but also gives us more insight to the other two Sidewinder members, Digger and Owen Johns.  Another plus - Ty brings along his two new kittens (which really wasn't plausible but still fun to picture).  This story is another winner for Roux.  Hooray for team Sidewinder!  270 pages (Kindle edition).

"That Eighteenth Summer" by Raine O'Tierney

This is the story of Oliver Hannigan, who has just graduated from high school and plans to join the military like his older brother, Benjam, did five years earlier.  However, word comes that spring that Benjam has been killed on duty oversees; this changes Oliver's life in many ways.  His parents both go a little crazy, and his mom begs him not to follow in his brother's footsteps.  And the arrival of Benjam's best friend from the Army adds to Oliver's complications.

This was a well written coming-of-age story, which takes part in Oklahoma and Missouri.  Oliver is forced to grow up quickly after the death of his only sibling, and the author makes him credible and sympathetic.  174 pages (Kindle edition).

"Fish in a Barrel" by Grace Tower

The subtitle of this disturbing book is "A True Story of Sexual Abuse in Therapy" and is the first person account of a woman under the power of an abusive therapist for 3 1/2 years.  In October of 1992, the author's adopted sons began biofeedback sessions with a therapist named Rick because they were having behavior and psychological problems.  Three months later, she herself began psychotherapy with Rick, and soon they were in his office up to seven times a week.  Already dealing with low self esteem and the need for approval, Rick manipulated Grace and her boys in many unethical and disturbing ways all the while draining her of money.  His abuse of Grace eventually became sexual.

About half of the book covers her and the boys' experiences as Rick's patients - how he first won them over to gain their trust, then betrayed that trust and abused them.  The second half covers Grace's realization of the harm he's done and her decisions to file criminal charges and sue him in civil court.  The book is quite riveting and allows the reader to see how a smart woman could be so easily manipulated in so many ways.  The best part was seeing Grace evolve from a sad, depressed, almost hopeless person into standing up for herself and her boys against their abuser.  This book is in our collection here.  278 pages.

"Shot Through the Heart" by CJ Bishop

Although this is the first book in the Cowboy Gangster series, it is built off of a different series, which I have not read.  I figured as much while I was reading it since so many other characters who were not in the story were mentioned and played integral parts.  This book focused on Axel Anders a 22-year-old man who's suffering from PTSD after being gang raped by his brother and three other evil men.  Clint Maddox, the "cowboy gangster," feels very protective of Axel after meeting him through Axel's (good) stepbrother, Angel.  Clint is a cold-hearted enforcer for the Sanitini family and is surprised by these feelings.  The book basically deals with both men tentatively growing closer with lots of flashbacks to awful events in their lives.  It was quite a roller coaster ride.  And there was a cute puppy.  295 pages (Kindle edition).

"From Out in the Cold" by L.A. Witt

Neil and Jeremy were best friends, but a misunderstanding had them going their separate ways.  Years later, Jeremy is a homeless veteran racked with flashbacks from his military experiences.  He ends up on Neil's doorstep, but little does he know that his one time best friend also suffers from a traumatic event that occurred one year ago.  With no where else to go for the holidays, they drive from Chicago to Omaha, their hometown, to visit Neil's parents.  As they work through their problems, meet with old friends, and deal with their shared past, they come to realize that they are each what the other has been missing.  This was a well written and sympathetic exploration of emotional trauma.  206 pages (Kindle edition).

"Not My Father's Son: A Memoir" by Alan Cumming

Alan Cumming survived a horrible childhood with an abusive father in Scotland to become a very successful actor, writer, singer, producer, and director.  (He won a Tony Award for Cabaret in 1998 and is now a regular on TV's The Good Wife.)  This memoir tells parallel stories from Alan's memories of abuse and his journey as an adult to find out more about his maternal grandfather who died in Malaysia in 1951.  He did the latter for the television show Who Do You Think You Are?  His mother's family were never told the truth about his grandfather's death, and at the same time as filming, Alan's father drops a bombshell on him after more than a decade of silence.  So there are two mysteries that he's trying to solve, and both are bound to cause emotional upheaval for him, his mother, and his older brother.

This is an excellent, well written, and riveting memoir about secrets, lies, misconceptions, and mental illness, and what they do to families.  It is not a complete autobiography of the author's entire life but about how he survived his childhood as well as two enormous revelations that happened in his 40s.  I admired Alan Cumming before I read this and that admiration is even greater now.  Highly recommended.  294 pages.

"A Hunted Man" by Jaime Reese

This is the second book in the Men of Halfway House series, and I didn't like it as much as the first, "A Better Man".  Cam is just out of prison for serving 10 years for manslaughter and has moved into Halfway House to adjust to life on the outside.  He's only 27, so he has no real skills or formal work experience.  Luckily, Matt, who runs Halfway House, gets him a job at a mom and pop coffee shop where Cam meets Hunter Donovan, Assistant State Attorney and regular customer.  Soon, Hunter is trying to clear Cam's name when he realizes that a drug cartel and dirty judge railroaded him into prison for what was clearly self-defense.  Then dangerous men start following Cam around, showing up at his work and even breaking into Halfway House and Hunter's home to get to him.  Action and suspense dominate the second half of the book, but I would have rather had it focus on Cam's adjustment to the real world and dealing with his PTSD after his abuse in prison.  Still, there were great supporting characters, especially Hunter's dad, and we got to see some of Matt and Julian from the first book.  I'll be reading book three soon.  378 pages.

"Ball & Chain" by Abigail Roux

This is book eight in the Cut & Run series, and FBI Special Agent Ty Grady has just returned from a six month overseas tour of duty with his Marine Force Recon team Sidewinder.  His boyfriend and fellow agent Zane Garrett is relieved to have him back home, but being out at work forces the hand of their boss as it is against policy for partner agents to be romantically involved.  Then Ty's brother, Deuce, asks them to come to Scotland for his destination wedding and to look into threats that Deuce's future father-in-law has been receiving.  Ty requests that two of his Sidewinder buddies, Nick and Kelly, accompany them as back up, which is a good move since all hell breaks loose with murders and threats of kidnappings.

This book came out last March, and I had read how disappointed longtime fans of the series were due to it seeming to focus more on Kelly and Nick than Ty and Zane.  Actually, I thought it centered around Nick and Ty's damaged friendship and their PTSD from years of Marine combat.  Kelly was a part of that to a lesser degree, but poor Zane seemed relegated to the wings.  I found the murder mystery to be confusing due to the large number of new characters.  Roux always has lots of action, as this story did, but some of it seemed to be implausible.  The strain on Nick and Ty's longtime friendship provided most of the angst this time instead of Zane and Ty's complicated relationship.  There were still some great lines of dialog between the four friends, and some of the scenes worked very well, especially the poignant ones between Ty and Zane.  The next book is supposed to be the last in the series, and even though this one was probably my least favorite, I am dreading it because I have truly loved reading the many adventures of these two great characters.  288 pages.

"After the Frost" by PG Owyns

This gentle and lovely book takes place in 1928 in the Pacific northwest and focuses on Julian Powell, who suffers from an illness that is never named but has limited his life.  He lives with his overbearing aunt, meek uncle, and cruel cousin after the death of his parents when he was a child.  Now he is a young man but has been held down by his illness and his uncaring family.  Books and writing are his solace in his lonely and solitary life.  But when an ailing childhood friend, Mark, moves back to town, he decides to move in with him and Mark's father to help take care of him.  While there, he gets to know one of their neighbors, William Neill, a WWI veteran suffering from flashbacks of the battlefields in France.  As their friendship grows, Julian and William help each other find what the other has been missing.

What an unexpected treasure this story turned out to be.  The author really knows how to write lovely descriptions, and her gentle phrases mirrored the gentleness in Julian, his love of nature, and his wonderment of the outdoors after having spent so much time inside while ill.  He also has a secret that makes the story all the sweeter.  William is also a very kind and tenderhearted man who struggles with what he witnessed in the war, and his protection of Julian is touching.  On top of all this, there are two dogs and a cat who come to enrich Julian's life.  This was a deeply moving tale of living for love and choosing a family of one's own.  175 pages (Kindle edition).

"Aftermath" by Cara Dee

Austin Huntley and Cam Nash, along with eight other men, were kidnapped and held in cells in a basement for five months before escaping.  They now bear physical and psychological scars and must learn how to live back in the normal world.  This book begins one month after their escape and both men are suffering the effects of PTSD.  But even though Cam and Austin are very different (Austin is an accountant, and Cam is a mechanic with Aspberger's), they developed a strong bond during their time locked in a cell together and come to depend on each other for strength and support when no one else understands their short tempers and nightmares.  Will they ever recover enough to feel normal again?

This was a well written thriller that takes place in present day but shows the men's confinement in flashbacks.  Even though the reader knows that Cam and Austin escape, we are not aware of why they were kidnapped and what happened to them for five months until near the end.  About halfway through the story, their relationship takes a dramatic turn that changes them both and how they view themselves.  This book is not for the squeamish.  211 pages (Kindle edition).