Jade War by Fonda Lee

"and I've been given no thanks": Alexa play the cat scene from The Godfather
This book series is so fricking stressful because it's about crime bosses which means that literally anyone can die. And it's not helping my anxiety. Because now I care about the characters and their well-being....it's really rude. 
I feel slightly concerned that I see this character that's the crime boss, and I'm like...he's adorable: 

I thought the like..time-span of the book was going to be a short period of time, but it spans a couple of years...which I'm here for.. Like I appreciate that we didn't sit and watch paint dry. 

(cough: it's a good thing the last book is coming out at the end of the month because I. Am. Stressed.)
624 Pages

Jade City by Fonda Lee

Me: mafia mafia cool cool. Woaaaaaaaaah back up.. that is...Did not sign up for that... Went from 0-50 in 3 seconds flat. I'm just gonna go...find some more wholesome content....because like...it's too early for this. 
I'm just waiting for a dead horse to show up...
Not once did you offer a blah blah blah
When we're only halfway through the book and ish going down
I can see all the equations
Ok but like...slaaaaaaaaaps.
560 Pages

The Burning God by R.F. Kuang

So this makes me uncomfy. Just like...War... But I guess it's good that war is making me uncomfortable.
Kitay is the best, and I love him. He's just a little nerd who loves to strategize and I love him.
And Nezha. I will always love Nezha.  
No one talk to me. I don't. I can't. I just like....
Rin's development throughout the book. Just. like. Wow.
Talking about the way that civil war ravages a country and how much it affects the innocent bystanders who are just simply trying to survive. Do I want to get on my soap box about the civil wars in the 1960s-80s. Yes I do. 
Did someone walk up behind me as I was finishing the book and see my crying.....yes. 
640 Pages

Thank You Audiobooks!

Lately, I've been having trouble focusing for long enough to get through longer books. Thank you audiobooks for being there for me! This is a tribute to all the audiobooks that have helped me get through the past few months: 

Transcendent Kingdom by Yaa Gyasi

I wasn't a huge fan of this one, but I totally get why people liked it. I liked the conflicts between faith and science, adding the immigrant experience, grief, and drug addiction on top of it. The complexity of it made the story feel very real to me. I also enjoyed the little scientific discussions scattered throughout, giving context and relevant analogies to the story.  Plus it's narrated by my faaaaavorite reader, Bahni Turpin. It was an engaging read, and this book would be great for those who like literary fiction and novels highlighting social issues. 

261 pages

Rage by Bob Woodward

I know, I know. Everyone is sick of politics by now. Why would I put myself through this book? (To be fair, I read this in October) It's partly because I've enjoyed Woodward's other books. He asks very good interview questions, and the answers given by the subject in this one are... mindboggling. Not surprising, just perplexing. I really liked how the audiobook had the actual recorded interview segments included in the Appendix. That was cool. This would be a good read for anyone who actually isn't sick of politics right now (so what, that's maybe 50 or so people, if that?).

452 pages

Leave the World Behind by Rumaan Alam

The premise of the novel is really good! A family is on vacation, only the homeowners show up to stay while the world is falling apart around them. My biggest issue with the book is that the actual details of the apocalypse are never described besides flashes and tidbits. Was it nuclear war? Climate change? Power outages? Something else? Who knows! That isn't really the point though. This is a well written apocalypse novel for dystopian junkies and literary fiction lovers alike. 

241 pages

Patient H.M.: A Story of Memory, Madness and Family Secrets by Luke Dittritch

Dittritch is a journalist, but his grandfather was the brain surgeon who sliced out Henry Molaison's hippocampus, leaving him incapable of storing long term memories. I remember learning about H.M. in a psychology course, but this book got so deep into the personal details of the people surrounding Henry's life. Dude, this doctor was nuts! He climbed the Brooklyn Bridge when it was still under construction! He experimented on (mostly female) asylum patients  just to see what would happen after chopping up their brains! He even conducted surgery on his own wife! That is seriously messed up. Also, the psychologist who worked with Henry later in life was so possessive of him and her research that we can't even look back at her research notes anymore. *insert anger emoji* This story was engaging and shocking, and I would highly recommend this book to anyone with an interest in medicine, psychology, or narrative nonfiction. 

440 pages

On Earth We're Briefly Gorgeous by Ocean Vuong

So some scenes were a little more graphic than I would like, but his writing is really pretty. I live for interior monologue.
256 pages

I'm Fine and Neither Are You by Camille Pagán

I'm Fine and Neither Are You by Camille Pagán
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

I was surprised by how much I liked this one, and it was more of a stressful read than expected. I listen to the audio, which I thought was good and expressive.

All I wanted was just a bit more of the really sweet moments, surrounding all the hard times and tragedy, but this tackled a lot of issues that women, families, and marriages deal with. It felt authentic, and it was well-written.

Pages: 270

Pushing the Limits Series by Katie McGarry

Pushing the Limits by Katie McGarry
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

#BecRereads2018

Katie McGarry is an Author Goddess. She writes words that wrap me up inside so tight that I don't care about the world going on around me. Her characters are complex and layered. Her storylines are interesting and so effective. She takes every emotion I have and forces me to feel it at max volume. It melts my face off, and I love it.

This is my 2nd time through this book, and I'm still stunned by this story.

Book 309 read in 2018

Pages: 392

PREVIOUS REVIEW:
It's emotionally gut-wrenching in the cry so many tears the page gets blurry kind of way. The characters are complex and well-developed. The storyline is fascinating and fast-paced. The voice is good, the writing admirable, and I love the alternating POVs.

---

Dare You To by Katie McGarry
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

#BecRereads2018

I'm really glad I decided to revisit this series, because it has so many things I enjoy in a good story. The characters are complex, well-developed, and show a lot of growth. There is a school counselor who is interesting and quirky and does a whole lot to help these teens with their struggles. The parents are all flawed individuals, who also don't make the best choices, so that's a recurring theme that continues to be interesting.

They're also romantic in a realistic, believable sort of way, and Katie McGarry is a phenomenal storyteller. I'd read the sports pages, if she'd write them (not that I get a newspaper, I don't, because this is 2018).

Book 310 read in 2018

Pages:456

---

Crash into You by Katie McGarry
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

#BecRereads2018

I don't know how many of you had a moment in your teenage years, or maybe even early 20s, where you realize your parents are more screwed up than you are (or than you ever even understood). If you did, then you'll relate to this series on a whole different level, because it showcases a lot of flawed and complicated family relationships, which make the stories more interesting, though often more painful.

Isaiah is a delicious book boyfriend, even if he sometimes needs to dial down the overprotective vibe. And watching Rachel deal with her anxiety and panic attacks, and/or not deal with them, added another layer of concern to the story.

I definitely still appreciate the pro-therapy/counseling message of this series.

Book 311 read in 2018

Pages: 474

PREVIOUS REVIEW:
I'm so upset that this story ended. I can't even talk about it right now. I just wanted to stay in the world for as long as possible, and now I'm kicked back out of it and devastated. Boo on reality. This is going to be an ugly book hangover.

---

Take Me On by Katie McGarry
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

#BecRereads2018

There were so many characters in this story on their own difficult journeys. Every person in the story has a purpose, and every major side character is developed well enough that you really get invested in everyone, not just the main couple.

This is the story of a boy who can't stop fighting everyone and everything, and a girl who did nothing but fight and now never wants to fight again.

Book 312 read in 2018

Pages: 544

PREVIOUS REVIEW:
Don't love fighting. Do love this book. Katie McGarry writes flawed characters who are so lovable I hate when our time together ends.

View all my reviews

The Fire Between High & Lo by Brittainy C. Cherry

The Fire Between High & Lo by Brittainy C. Cherry
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

When you have to stop 2/3 of the way through a book for a Rhianna/Eminem song and dance break, you know it’s a good book. Intense, angsty, dark, dramatic, painful, and neurotic. But good.

Book 292 read in 2018

Page: 324

Hillbilly Elegy: A Memoir of a Family and Culture in Crisis by J.D. Vance

Hillbilly Elegy: A Memoir of a Family and Culture in Crisis by J.D. Vance
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

This is a good look at poverty and violence, and the struggle it is to grow up inside them and to then try to make a life outside of them. It's a lot about class, community culture, and the persistent trauma of growing up inside a culture of constant stress and drama. Honestly, this hits very close to home, even in Missouri, and I know many people who grew up in such a way or are still trapped and impacted by similar childhoods.

My brother said this was a boring book, because it's everything he already knows about the impacts of growing up in poverty and despair. In fact, his exact words were, "I thought it was boring and not that good, but we grew up in a poor area, so it wasn't anything groundbreaking."

This had me thinking about why my brother would expect a book about a culture in crisis to be groundbreaking. Does he feel as if there is some kind of reason or solution to poverty and violence that he does not yet know about? And why doesn't he want to see the reality of some of our life experiences reflected back in his literature?

My mother said, "It is suited to those who have always had advantages and money and don't understand those who haven't."

Now, on some level, I understand her comment, because she's suggesting that the value of the book may be in its shock value for all of those who haven't grown up in or surrounded by some level of poverty and hardship. But who in the world are these people? And what world do they live in that I don't? How many

Too Late by Colleen Hoover

Too Late by Colleen Hoover
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

This story is nonlinear and full of drama and tragedy.

I love Colleen Hoover. This is one of her earliest novels. It’s not my favorite, but it was still a captivating read. It’s a bit strange how the Epilogue starts at the last 1/3 of the book, but you don’t exactly stay in the Epilogue. I think the format shows experimentation by an early author. I don’t mind that, because the writing is still solid. She kept my attention throughout, and I enjoyed the characters overall. Her later works are better, but that’s not shocking. Everyone starts somewhere.

Pages: 395

View all my reviews

"God, If You're Not Up There, I'm F*cked" by Darrell Hammond

In his record setting 14 year stint on Saturday Night Live, Hammond did 107 impressions, most famously Bill Clinton, Al Gore, Chris Mathews, and Sean Connery.  I watched many of those episodes live and in reruns and was always impressed with how accurate he was with so many diverse and very real people.  In this autobiography, Hammond explains what he looks for and how he prepares each new impression as well as all of the hard work so many people contribute to put a new episode of SNL on air each week.  As a long time SNL fan, I really enjoyed his explanations of how the writers, performers, make-up, hair, wardrobe, interns, hosts, and Lorne Michaels work together to make it all look so fun and effortless.  He doesn't throw any of his former colleagues under the bus and even has good things to say about the hosts with whom he appeared.

However, the most compelling part of Hammond's autobiography is his continuing fight with mental illness, alcoholism, drug abuse, and cutting due to his physical and psychological torture by his parents all through his childhood growing up in Melbourne, FL.  His mother was a cruel and damaged person who took out her demons on her son, even when he was a toddler, by cutting his tongue with a knife, slamming his hands in doors, and more.  She said awful things to him and purposely scared him.  Hammond's father was a vet from WWII and Korea who suffered from flashbacks and untreated PTSD and constantly threatened to kill people who made him mad, even his own son.  His rages were terrifying, and Hammond coped by drinking beer at a young age and escaping into baseball, which his father loved.  His impressions also started at a young age, as that was how he was able to connect with his mother, who also liked to do impressions of their neighbors.  The only love he felt as a boy was from the family's African-American maid, Myrtise, to whom this book in dedicated.

Hammond's road to SNL was a long one; he was 39 when he was hired.  How he got there and stayed so long while battling mental illness and substance abuse throughout his tenure is fascinating, sad, horrifying, and incredibly impressive.  I highly recommend this book, especially to SNL fans.  Hammond is a true survivor.  273 pages.

"On Solid Ground" by Melissa Collins

A vet with PTSD and a tattoo artist with a drug addicted sister try to find love in California.

I really wanted to like this book.  It had many good reviews, but it just did not live up to my expectations for several reasons.  One of the main characters jumped to conclusions and became mad very easily; he acted quite immature and did not seem to have the capability for a healthy relationship.  The story was told in the present tense, which I always find a bit odd to read.  One character had been raped, but the story did not deal with any lingering effects of the trauma.  There were also a number of inconsistencies, so it could have used better editing.  However, there was a service dog, a cute kid, and an upbeat ending, so there were some positives.  328 pages (Kindle edition).

"The Troll Whisperer" by Sera Trevor

Oscar works at a sewage plant and has such a disgustingly dirty apartment that he's about to be evicted.  He's also an Internet troll who does it to relieve stress.  Noah is a sweet college student who lives in the same apartment complex.  They eventually meet and hit it off, but Oscar has many secrets, one of which is that he trolled a video that Noah put online.   How will Noah react when he finds out?

Oscar is based on Sesame Street's Oscar the Grouch, living among trash, cranky, and mean.  He has a lot of issues to work through in this novella.  I didn't like Oscar at first but he grew on me as he pushed himself to face his problems.  Noah was a cute character who's tougher than he first seemed.  115 pages (Kindle edition).

"A Deadly Secret" by Matt Birkbeck

The subtitle of this true crime book is "The Bizarre and Chilling Story of Robert Durst."  I recently viewed "The Jinx", a documentary about Durst and the 1982 disappearance of his first wife, Kathie, and I wanted to know more about the case.  This book seemed to be the most in-depth and was first published in 2002; the edition that I read was updated in March of 2015, after "The Jinx" had aired on HBO.

However, this is not just about Kathie's disappearance but also about the murder of Morris Black, a Texas drifter killed and dismembered by Durst in 2001.  The author interviewed the major players in both cases, including the police, private detectives, Kathie's family and friends, prosecutors, and witnesses.  He does a thorough job of going through details and using them to show that Durst is a sociopath.  The only quibble I have is with the way the author uses quotations of conversations for which he wasn't present nor were recorded.  Durst is currently being held in Louisiana on an illegal firearms violation but has been charged in California with the 2000 death of his friend Susan Berman.  That case is also covered in the book.  299 pages.

Dare You To by Katie McGarry

Summary: Dare You To is the follow-up novel to Pushing the Limits. After meeting Noah, Echo, Isaiah and Beth in Pushing the Limits, Dare You To follows Beth in her new life and her adjustments in her relationship with Isaiah, her uncle Scott, and her drug-addicted mom. Beth continues to try and protect her mom, no matter the cost to herself. Dare You To deals with some pretty heavy stuff: drug use and domestic violence. Her mom's boyfriend beats up both Beth and her mom, and it can be pretty gruesome at times. 

When Beth is forced to leave her mom to live with her estranged uncle, Beth meets Ryan, the all-star pitcher on the school's baseball team. Beth and Ryan begin a fun and antagonizing flirt-mance while they each try to work out their own personal issues. 

Overall, I enjoyed the book, even though it was quite predictable. I hated Beth in Pushing the Limits because she was exceedingly mean to Echo, but her meanness is toned down in this installment, which makes her more tolerable. I liked Ryan quite a bit, and he is my favorite male character in the Pushing the Limits series so far. 

486 pages

"Wishful Drinking" by Carrie Fisher

In this memoir by actress and writer Carrie Fisher, she says that she is a product of "Hollywood inbreeding."  With icons Debbie Reynolds and Eddie Fisher as parents, she has first hand knowledge of the old saying that "truth is stranger than fiction."  Fisher claims that she decided to write this memoir after undergoing electroshock therapy for bipolar disorder.  She lost some of her memory because of it but what she has left is enough to keep listeners entertained.  Her father left the family for Elizabeth Taylor when she was two, so Fisher has much more to say about her mother . . . and does a darned good imitation of her voice.  She covers how, when, and why she got hooked on drugs (the undiagnosed bipolar disorder played a large part), telephone interventions by Cary Grant, her long roller coaster romance with Paul Simon, her pregnancy by a man who ultimately left her and their daughter for another man, and more.  One of the best stories is about George Lucas' explanation of why she was not allowed to wear a bra during the filming of "Star Wars."  All this is interesting to a point, but she doesn't really delve very deeply into her own psyche to account for her choices or how much of an impact her folks' parenting (or lack of) made her into who she is.  I listened to the audio version, read by Fisher, and the quality wasn't very good.  Many times I had to adjust the volume, especially when she yelled, which was often.  This was written in 2008, before the death of her father and before filming of the newest "Star Wars" movie, in which she will appear.

Audio:  3 hours
Print:  176 pages