I'm Glad My Mom Died by Jennette McCurdy

(this is probably going to be a lame review, because I don't have words for it, except that I love that Jennette shared her story, because like.....sharing stories is hecka imporant)
Some of Jennette's story really resonated with me and like..oof.
I don't have words, but like...
I love Jennette. She's cool. I'd be friends with her.
320 Pages

Sadie by Courtney Summers

Ok so I am in pain.
This was amazing as an audiobook!
Me and my love of Criminal Minds is getting the best of me, and is getting me into trouble.
336 Pages

Fallen Crest High by Tijan

Fallen Crest High by Tijan
My rating: 3 of 5 stars

On the drama scale of 0 to 10, this gets a 27. It’s as if a soap opera, had an affair with a telenovela, and all the offspring got sent to high school. That’s what I liked best about this book.

The initial drama sucks you in, and it isn’t until you step back from it that you realize some things are missing here, like character development, plot elements (including a plot, in general), transitions between scenes and dialogue, setting, and realism and believability, which typically exist in a contemporary novel.

You have to suspend disbelief at a pro level for this one. Still, it’s an amusing experience, if you need a change of pace.

The final thing I found difficult is that the story has approximately 237 side characters, when about 15 would have been sufficient. The majority of those side characters aren’t developed past having a name and a side in the drama. Most of them aren't useful to the story, and they just get in the way and waste time.

343 Read in 2018

Pages: 375

---

Fallen Crest Family by Tijan
My rating: 2 of 5 stars

Book two is the end of the line for me. All of the writing issues that were evident in book one are magnified in book two. And it’s exhausting. I love drama, but I can’t handle the poor story construction any longer.

The plot is missing, as are most plot elements. The only thing that fuels this book is drama, but it all feels like recycled drama at this point. The conflicts are all weak, which in turn equals boring, which is a shame, as this book could actually use some real conflict…not blown up, unrealistic drama, but true conflict, the kind that forces characters to make difficult choices and reveal more of who they are.

There are even more side characters in book 2 who aren’t developed at all. Example: Hey, meet Jeff. We don’t know what Jeff looks like, who he is, why he matters to the story, or even what his personality is. He just suddenly appears out of thin air, as if he has always been there. Then Jeff keeps getting his name randomly mentioned in the scenes that pretty much could go in any order, as it’s all the same thing over and over again: parent drama, sex, party time, sex, teen drama, threats of violence, sex, substance abuse, parental neglect and abuse, drama, sex, party time, repeat ad infinitum.

Also, the main characters don’t show any level of growth. They’re basically the same as they were in book one, so I couldn’t stay interested in following them through the endless cycle of repeat scenarios, ad nauseam. They have the potential to be interesting, layered individuals, but they aren’t. It would be fun to peel away those layers, but it never happens….or it happens at a snail's pace, which isn’t enough to keep me reading. Honestly, everything that happened in book one and two could easily have been condensed to fit in the first half of book one, had this been edited better and rewritten.

There are no transitions between scenes, so one second we are at a party, and then I suddenly realize we are with an entirely different group of people in another location, and I don’t even know how we got there or why that occurred. The setting and world building are almost nonexistent, which would be okay, if the story was easy to follow. It's not. You're going to get whiplash from how it just randomly jumps around as soon as the dialogue cuts off.

Plus, two of the characters basically have the same name, and since I listened on audio, it was the end of book two before I knew it was two different people. I mean, it honestly could have just been one person, as basically both Tate and Kate are just mean girls, so I didn’t lose much from the story by not realizing that Kate was a separate person. She might as well just be Tate.

If you like lots of drama and steam, and you can overlook issues with story construction,you might fare well with this. Both of my book besties really enjoyed it,which makes me the odd woman out. I tried to let it all go, but I just can’t overlook that many issues with the writing. I’ve reached the point where the more I read, the more frustrated I get by it, so I'm calling it quits here and moving on to something better.

If you are looking for an excellent YA romance series with lots of drama, that is extremely well-written, try anything by Katie McGarry. I also enjoyed I'LL MEET YOU THERE by Heather Demetrios.

Book 344 Read in 2018

Pages: 287

Sugar by Deirdre Riordan Hall

Sugar by Deirdre Riordan Hall
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

This is very upsetting, until the point where it becomes EVEN MORE UPSETTING.

This is the story of an obese teen who grows up in an extremely abusive situation. I spent 50% of the book mentally pleading with the MC to run away. RUN AWAY, SUGAR, JUST RUN AWAY.

I desperately wanted her to flee the terrible situation, because I couldn't take reading about it. This is something I normally wouldn't advocate for with a teen, as even though it seems like nothing can be worse than staying in a terrible situation, the reality is that things usually can get worse for young runaways. But the heart wants what the heart wants.

Also, did I mention there's an EVEN MORE UPSETTING thing that you should prepare yourself for? Unfortunately, it was something Sugar couldn't have even run away from. Life came and just gave her another big punch in the gut, as if she wasn't able to become who she would be without hitting rock bottom. That's why this gets 4 stars, instead of 5, as I don't love the whole, take everything away from the MC, in order for her to become her best self mentality. I think people can become their best self with a little love and support, too. But overall, it's a good read if you don't mind being depressed throughout, with small flashes of beauty and hope.

Book 182 read in 2018

Pages: 276

Hillbilly Elegy: A Memoir of a Family and Culture in Crisis by J.D. Vance

Hillbilly Elegy: A Memoir of a Family and Culture in Crisis by J.D. Vance
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

This is a good look at poverty and violence, and the struggle it is to grow up inside them and to then try to make a life outside of them. It's a lot about class, community culture, and the persistent trauma of growing up inside a culture of constant stress and drama. Honestly, this hits very close to home, even in Missouri, and I know many people who grew up in such a way or are still trapped and impacted by similar childhoods.

My brother said this was a boring book, because it's everything he already knows about the impacts of growing up in poverty and despair. In fact, his exact words were, "I thought it was boring and not that good, but we grew up in a poor area, so it wasn't anything groundbreaking."

This had me thinking about why my brother would expect a book about a culture in crisis to be groundbreaking. Does he feel as if there is some kind of reason or solution to poverty and violence that he does not yet know about? And why doesn't he want to see the reality of some of our life experiences reflected back in his literature?

My mother said, "It is suited to those who have always had advantages and money and don't understand those who haven't."

Now, on some level, I understand her comment, because she's suggesting that the value of the book may be in its shock value for all of those who haven't grown up in or surrounded by some level of poverty and hardship. But who in the world are these people? And what world do they live in that I don't? How many

Darker (Fifty Shades as Told by Christian, #2) by E.L. James

Darker by E.L. James
My rating: 3 of 5 stars

The bestie has been nagging me to read this, since she's obsessed with all things 50 Shades, and I finally picked it up. I have to confess that I'm not as riveted by this as she was. I enjoyed the original trilogy, but I don't feel like this story from Christian's point of view offered that much new. In fact, I was halfway through the book before I realize I somehow never read Grey (the first book from Christian's POV). In my mind, I thought I had already read that one, since she talked to me about it so much, but nope.

That's not to say that I don't like this story, or that it wasn't interesting. It was good for a change of pace and has the same sort of appeal as the original trilogy, though the child perspectives kind of came out of the blue and weirded me out a bit in the audio version. Still, overall, what has always been most intriguing to me about this series is what's going on in each of the characters' heads that makes them behave in the ways they do. For that purpose, it's interesting, though not especially surprising, since I think we are able to develop a good idea of Christian's backstory and inner demons in the original series.

If you're a hardcore fan, you'll want to read this. I think I just reached the point where the glam has faded a bit.

Book 79 read in 2018

Pages: 546

"Healing Jacob" by Nicole Stewart

This angsty romance between a homeless musician and a bakery owner fell flat for me.  Neither main character was three dimensional, and I couldn't invest myself in their story.  The misuse of commas was distracting.  I think the writer has potential, and a good editor could have helped with the flow of the story and fleshing out the characters.  166 pages (Kindle edition).

"Absolution" by Sloane Kennedy

This is book one in The Protectors Series and deals with three men who've all suffered some form of trauma.  Jonas was kicked out of his home at age 14 for being gay and spent several years as a teenage prostitute before having even more tragedy befall him.  Mace's son was kidnapped and murdered by a killer.  Cole faced the traumas of war before losing his sister, who was Jonah's best friend.  Now someone has hired Mace to kill Jonah for bogus reasons, and Cole gets involved.  This novel was full of angst and heavy and was not quite believable at times, but it was a compelling story.  356 pages (Kindle edition.)

"God, If You're Not Up There, I'm F*cked" by Darrell Hammond

In his record setting 14 year stint on Saturday Night Live, Hammond did 107 impressions, most famously Bill Clinton, Al Gore, Chris Mathews, and Sean Connery.  I watched many of those episodes live and in reruns and was always impressed with how accurate he was with so many diverse and very real people.  In this autobiography, Hammond explains what he looks for and how he prepares each new impression as well as all of the hard work so many people contribute to put a new episode of SNL on air each week.  As a long time SNL fan, I really enjoyed his explanations of how the writers, performers, make-up, hair, wardrobe, interns, hosts, and Lorne Michaels work together to make it all look so fun and effortless.  He doesn't throw any of his former colleagues under the bus and even has good things to say about the hosts with whom he appeared.

However, the most compelling part of Hammond's autobiography is his continuing fight with mental illness, alcoholism, drug abuse, and cutting due to his physical and psychological torture by his parents all through his childhood growing up in Melbourne, FL.  His mother was a cruel and damaged person who took out her demons on her son, even when he was a toddler, by cutting his tongue with a knife, slamming his hands in doors, and more.  She said awful things to him and purposely scared him.  Hammond's father was a vet from WWII and Korea who suffered from flashbacks and untreated PTSD and constantly threatened to kill people who made him mad, even his own son.  His rages were terrifying, and Hammond coped by drinking beer at a young age and escaping into baseball, which his father loved.  His impressions also started at a young age, as that was how he was able to connect with his mother, who also liked to do impressions of their neighbors.  The only love he felt as a boy was from the family's African-American maid, Myrtise, to whom this book in dedicated.

Hammond's road to SNL was a long one; he was 39 when he was hired.  How he got there and stayed so long while battling mental illness and substance abuse throughout his tenure is fascinating, sad, horrifying, and incredibly impressive.  I highly recommend this book, especially to SNL fans.  Hammond is a true survivor.  273 pages.

"The Perks of Being a Wallflower" by Stephen Chbosky

I had not read a YA novel in quite a long time, so I chose this one because I enjoyed the movie and had heard good things about the book.  Written in epistolary form by high school freshman Charlie to an unknown friend, it chronicles his first year in high school as well as interactions with his family.  Although he is introverted and a bit shy, Charlie becomes good friends with seniors Sam and Patrick, who happen to be step-siblings.  Charlie develops a crush on Sam even though she sees him only as a friend, while Patrick is secretly dating the football team's closeted quarterback.

Charlie has some psychological issues that appear to have been brought on by the suicide of his only friend the previous year and the death of his aunt Helen years earlier, with whom he'd been especially close.  A huge revelation in the epilogue puts Charlie's troubles in perspective for the reader and makes this unusual story even more unforgettable.  This book has been challenged innumerable times since its first publication in 1999 due to the usual reasons, but I would highly recommend it to any teenager.  213 pages.

"Fish in a Barrel" by Grace Tower

The subtitle of this disturbing book is "A True Story of Sexual Abuse in Therapy" and is the first person account of a woman under the power of an abusive therapist for 3 1/2 years.  In October of 1992, the author's adopted sons began biofeedback sessions with a therapist named Rick because they were having behavior and psychological problems.  Three months later, she herself began psychotherapy with Rick, and soon they were in his office up to seven times a week.  Already dealing with low self esteem and the need for approval, Rick manipulated Grace and her boys in many unethical and disturbing ways all the while draining her of money.  His abuse of Grace eventually became sexual.

About half of the book covers her and the boys' experiences as Rick's patients - how he first won them over to gain their trust, then betrayed that trust and abused them.  The second half covers Grace's realization of the harm he's done and her decisions to file criminal charges and sue him in civil court.  The book is quite riveting and allows the reader to see how a smart woman could be so easily manipulated in so many ways.  The best part was seeing Grace evolve from a sad, depressed, almost hopeless person into standing up for herself and her boys against their abuser.  This book is in our collection here.  278 pages.

"Shot Through the Heart" by CJ Bishop

Although this is the first book in the Cowboy Gangster series, it is built off of a different series, which I have not read.  I figured as much while I was reading it since so many other characters who were not in the story were mentioned and played integral parts.  This book focused on Axel Anders a 22-year-old man who's suffering from PTSD after being gang raped by his brother and three other evil men.  Clint Maddox, the "cowboy gangster," feels very protective of Axel after meeting him through Axel's (good) stepbrother, Angel.  Clint is a cold-hearted enforcer for the Sanitini family and is surprised by these feelings.  The book basically deals with both men tentatively growing closer with lots of flashbacks to awful events in their lives.  It was quite a roller coaster ride.  And there was a cute puppy.  295 pages (Kindle edition).

"Dumped in Oz" by Andrew Grey

Book one in the Tales from Kansas series finds Lyle Powers transferring from Pittsburg, PA, to rural Kansas for one year for his job.  On his first day there, he eats at a local restaurant where he meets the baker, Roger Kypers, a single father with a crazy ex-wife and protective 13-year-old daughter.  The two men hit it off, but the ex-wife causes problems that could push Roger off of the wagon.  I didn't much care for the writing style of the author; exposition was used more than the "show, don't tell" technique, and did not allow me to invest emotionally in either character.  I did feel sorry for Roger and his circumstances, but Lyle's character wasn't really explored in-depth.  I almost forgot to explain that "Oz" refers to "The Wizard of Oz," about which there is a museum in this small town.  127 pages (Kindle edition).

Kickback by Robert B. Parker

(Posted for Paul Mathews)

Teenagers are being sent to a juvenile state-owned facility for little or no crimes.  They have no lawyers and no way to stay out.  Lots of money is going into the facility, but no one knows whose pockets.  The kids must be helped and released.

Audio:  7 hrs. 10 min.
Print:  304 pages

Choke Point by Ridley Pearson

(Posted for Paul Mathews)

John Knox and Grace Chu are professional operatives, but going underground and getting dirt on a rug factory using children is hard work and dangerous.

Audio:  11 hrs. 40 min.
Print:  448 pages

"Fun Home: A Family Tragicomic" by Alison Bechdel

After hearing about this graphic novel memoir for years, I finally got around to reading it.  The author grew up with distant parents and two younger brothers in rural Pennsylvania.  Her father was an English teacher and part-time mortician at his family's business.  ("Fun home" is short for "funeral home".)  Alison candidly draws and discusses her relationship with her father, a cold, tyrannical, and exacting man with a huge secret . . . he is gay.  He dies soon after this is revealed to his college-aged daughter, who herself has just come out as a lesbian.  Because of this great revelation and his closely followed death, Alison goes back through her childhood and analyzes her father's behavior, obsessions, and interactions.  In my opinion, this book deserves all the of praise it has received because it conveys so much so smartly and so efficiently.  The drawings are economical with few colors yet convey everyone's emotions, particularly confusion, very well.  The book has been made into a musical that won 5 Tony Awards earlier this year.  232 pages.

"Not My Father's Son: A Memoir" by Alan Cumming

Alan Cumming survived a horrible childhood with an abusive father in Scotland to become a very successful actor, writer, singer, producer, and director.  (He won a Tony Award for Cabaret in 1998 and is now a regular on TV's The Good Wife.)  This memoir tells parallel stories from Alan's memories of abuse and his journey as an adult to find out more about his maternal grandfather who died in Malaysia in 1951.  He did the latter for the television show Who Do You Think You Are?  His mother's family were never told the truth about his grandfather's death, and at the same time as filming, Alan's father drops a bombshell on him after more than a decade of silence.  So there are two mysteries that he's trying to solve, and both are bound to cause emotional upheaval for him, his mother, and his older brother.

This is an excellent, well written, and riveting memoir about secrets, lies, misconceptions, and mental illness, and what they do to families.  It is not a complete autobiography of the author's entire life but about how he survived his childhood as well as two enormous revelations that happened in his 40s.  I admired Alan Cumming before I read this and that admiration is even greater now.  Highly recommended.  294 pages.

"fawn" by Nash Summers

This novella (the first letter is not capitalized) is about two boys in the small town of Heaven.  Rust has dark red hair, is small for his age, and likes to make art out of found objects in nature, at least while he's not sitting under a large pine tree daydreaming and writing letters to people he doesn't know.  Ancel lives in a rented, dilapidated house near Rust's home with his abusive father and gentle German shepherd.  He's quiet and mysterious and the object of Rust's dreams.  He floats in and out of Rust's life, disappearing for years and reappearing unexpectedly.  Written from both boys' POVs, Nash conveys descriptions of their thoughts, feelings, and surroundings very well without resorting to constant similes, especially with Rust.  He's a special character in a lovely story whom I won't soon forget.  78 pages (Kindle edition).

"A Better Man" by Jaime Reese

This is the first book in "The Men of Halfway House" series and covers how that house began.  Matt Doner just finished doing a five year stint in prison for insider trading when he decides to take the money his late aunt left him and renovate a dilapidated building into a place where recently paroled men can start a new life.  Unfortunately, he doesn't have the skills needed nor the money to pay a team of workers to fix the place so he advertises for a handyman willing to work for less.  Luckily for him, Julian Capeletti has those skills and is desperate enough to take the job.  Over the course of a year, the reader is taken through the transformation of the house and the men, both of whom have issues with trust and suffer from deep wounds inflicted by family. 

I really liked this book and its main characters.  Matt and Julian come from extremely different backgrounds but find affection and acceptance with each other.  The story was very well written and difficult to put down, so I can't wait to read the rest in the series.  202 pages.

Not My Father's Son

Author: Alan Cumming
Audio: 6 hours and 28 minutes
Pages: 304


Cover blurb:
Dark, painful memories can be like a cage. Or, in the case of Alan Cumming, they can be packed away in a box, stuck in the attic to be forgotten. Until one day the box explodes and all the memories flood back in horrible detail. Alan Cumming grew up in the grip of a man who held his family hostage, someone who meted out violence with a frightening ease, who waged a silent war with himself that sometimes spilled over onto everyone around him. That man was Alex Cumming, Alan's father.


My take:
I have always admired Alan Cumming, he is not afraid to try roles and put himself "out there". Always entertaining and funny.
I experienced this book through audio, Alan narrates it himself. His voice is lovely to listen to and he puts emotion into the reading. I enjoyed the book very much and would recommend it.